Chronic back pain, medication changes and depression.

Patient : My doctor thinks I have failed back syndrome from a low back fusion I had about 10 years ago. I'm in a crazy amount of pain and he has me on 10mg methadone 2x day. I used to be on oxycontin 80mg 4x day and when I was on it I had my life under control, was able to do pretty much anything I wanted physically without pain. Now I'm so miserable that I'm really not sure how much longer I'll be able to deal with this. I tried to impress upon him that I really struggle mentally when I'm in a lot of pain. He says he lowered my dose because he thinks that much medication is bad for me, as in life threatening. I was on it for 3+ years and was very happy / healthy during that time but now not so much. I want to do more physical therapy because I know that's what I really need but I hurt so much just existing, adding anything to it compounds the amount of pain and the length of time when it is that intense. I know there should be some pain during physical therapy but I'm in a lot of pain without even going and I know how bad it gets when I do go. It's kinda terrifying to me. I've attempted suicide a few times in the past over this non-sense and I never really told anyone about it because I'm afraid if I do he'll take me off pain pills all together and then I'll be suicidal all the time most likely. I don't know if telling my doctor that will make my life even worse, and I can't really deal with that. I'm not sure what to do, I've been miserable for so long that I forgot what it's like to not be. I was dropped down from Oxycontin about 2-3 years ago to 10mg methadone 3x a day and since that happened I've never once thought that has actually been good for me. About a week ago my doctor dropped it down to 2x a day and that's why I'm having such a hard time with it now. I just need to know if my doctor is just doing his job and this is just how I have to live.
Symptoms:  Chronic Pain
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