Debilitating long-term chronic severe depression & anxiety


Q: I don't have the money to go get professional help any more than my family doctor which my mother pays for, and I am having serious trouble coping with my symptoms so any suggestions for either of those would be very helpful.

Symptoms:  I put this under depression though I have a great deal more problems but I imagine most of them stem from my very strong anxiety and depression issues. I have memory problems, I can never seem to focus on anything, I get sad to the point of feeling sick to my stomach very often for reasons I cannot explain. I have tried a great deal of anxiety and depression medication but none that I have tried seem to work and I just have no idea what I should do. I have next to no money, I've been looking at trying to find a way to get some aid but signing up for the affordable health care stuff is already over and to be honest sometimes I just don't care about it and I don't even know why, I go from feeling hopeless and numb to completely terrified. I have had this problem ever since I was very young, my teeth are beginning to rot away because most of my life I couldn't even be bothered to get up and clean them. All I ever did in school was try to sleep on my desk because I just couldn't handle things around me or focus. All I've ever been able to do to keep myself comfortable is to try hard to keep my mind wrapped up in things I enjoy, I can't even handle sitting still alone for more than five minutes without having panic attacks. The only thing that has ever even given me a reprieve from these feelings is drinking, and I hate that. I just don't have a clue what to do, I feel like my problems get more and more severe as time goes by. Suicide has crossed my mind many times since I was at least sixteen, though I really hope I'd never get dumb enough to go through with it. I'm not religious and I view death as a permanent end - which scares the hell out of me - so I don't even know why thoughts like that would ever be on my mind. Sometimes it feels like I'm not even in control of my own thoughts. Sometimes when I see things that are horrible or sad, I laugh and I have no idea why - it brings me no joy but I still have a very true laugh as if I was just laughing at a joke, quickly after followed by being frustrated and confused with myself.

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