Depressents arent working

Patient: Ive had depression for a year now, and have been hospitalized 2 times for suicidal thoughts, but even though Im on medication, I cant feel better. Ive tried so many types of medication, so right now Im on an anti depresent and a mood stabilizer, but I feel that I will neverr feel better. I dont want to tell my mom because the other day, she came to me and said, “thankyou for soing such a good job at being better this last year.” I mean, how am I supposed to go up to her and tell her, “Oh yeah, by the way, Ive never been better, Ive just done such a good job at lying to you every day.” I cant do that. For awhile I went to a councelor, but both people sucked. Now Im always paranoid. I mean, I will think that someone is outside my window, either the popular girls at my school, or this guy who I think likes me. I mean, if you asked me whether or not they were there, and my life depended on it, I would say no. But throughout the day, just without me thinking about it, I will say something like, “oh man, there going to go to school and tell everybody that when Im naked, Im ugly.” Ill think that when Im changing. Or at night, Ill look out the window, and put on a suprised face, that way if they are out there, they will think I saw them, then runaway. I dont know what to do. If I tell my mom that I feel this way, she will say “But you said you were feeling better” and I just cant deal with that, in fact I cringe at the thought of me doing that and her saying that. What should I do?