Do I have a mental disorder? I've always had stage fright
Patient :Do I have a mental disorder?
I've always had stage fright since I was a child, the thought of talking to people or being in front of them terrifies me... Especially if they look at me, I can feel their stares and it just makes me panic more. Sometimes I can talk perfectly well with someone but other times I just don't know what to say and I get scared of talking to them, I want to talk but what will I say? What if they get bored of me? What if I'm being annoying and my presence is bothering them? So I stop myself from talking to them. During relationships I just panic and obsessed thinking they will leave me or get tired of me, I'm not able to sleep well and get nauseous and the feelings I had as a child get worse. As a child I always heard, seen or felt things that weren't there which would make me panic and obsess over them, I still can't sleep with the lights off at the age of 22 because I feel like something is there waiting to harm me, when there's a blackout I suddenly feel a sinking feeling and run to a family member trying to get a candle or something and even with a candle in hand I won't there to move anywhere. I also get mood swings a lot, I have a very short temper and can snap at a simple question when talking to my family while I become meek with others, with a partner I'll be sweet but obsessive and will get worse if they talk to me less than normal, thinking that they will leave, other times I'll just feel depressed or all my emotions just go away for a while or I'll just be thinking or saying I want to die and look for ways to do so on the Internet.
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