Patient : I am going to do my best to make this short...
I was excited to be with new friends in college and let loose at what I thought would be a "little" get together. Oh and little it was not.
Between shots and some jungle juice, I got drunk. Very, very drunk... and very quickly...and here lies the reason I am writing.
I am not new to drinking, or parties, yet I have never ever felt this out of control in my life. The ground not only refused to stay still, but the walls were closing in and darkness was flooding in through the windows. It sounds like an over exaggeration but that the only way I can describe it. I remember sitting on the couch watching a drunk girl stumble to sit next to me. I felt bad for her and I know we talked but I don't remember what about or for how long. A couple of hands reached down from friendly faces trying to get me to dance. I thought about standing up -- and may have tried-- but ended up back where I started. I remember feeling completely overwhelmed like everyone was running around way too fast and would not slow down----
----I know at one point I was standing in a doorway, remember the cold wood on my cheek... though looking back getting there on my own would have been a challenge--- Next being comfortable down again and looking at what I think was reflections or lights coming in from a window shining on the walls ----
----I was talking to someone again. Doing my best to make coherent sentences. And though the emotions I recall go from happiness to complete disgust and anger I don't remember having sex or being forced to do anything.
The next morning came and I am back in my dorm (over a 15 minute walk away) with about 7 girls crashed on my floor. Everything hurt, I figured this was the worst hang over I have ever experienced. It wasn't until I got to the shower that I noticed bruises covering my forearms down to my inner thighs. Blaming it on my clumsiness I didn't start to freak until I tried to pee and it felt like someone had taken sand paper and ripped me apart inside.
Here I am. Almost 5 months later.
I have dreams about that night (some nightmares), hardest part is not knowing what parts of these dreams are real.
Questions still unanswered like who was i with, where was I, how did i get back, if we really did have sex (which I am still having a hard time with) did I want it??? ... and blah blah blah
is it possible that it was only alcohol that got me this wasted?
could if have been something else? what?
is it possible that when I blacked out I was still able to make it home on my own? (no one remembers being with me when they all came back)
I had never had sex before nor since. Is there a way of knowing if I am still a virgin?
I have not been tested for anything, fearing that the doctor will make me report the incident. Will they??
Thanks, sorry that was so long!!!
These Q&A’s are for educational purposes and should not be relied upon as a substitute for medical advice you may receive from your physician. If you have a medical emergency, please call 911. These answers do not constitute or initiate a patient/doctor relationship.