Embarrassed of my sex performance

Patient

Q: Doc I'm only 19 years old and I have a problem. I can't stay hard. I don't have a problem getting up but when I go to start intercourse with my girlfriend, it goes soft. What is something healthy I can do or take to fix this?

Doctor

A:   Hello,
Thanks for contacting askthedoctor.com
This is one of the most common sexual problems faced by youth of your age group especially during first time intercourse or especially seen when there is innate urge to perform well during the whole act for fear of rejection or break up on sexual in-satiety grounds.
The sexual dysfunction you are facing is known as performance anxiety or in simple terms fear to perform the sexual act such that the partner is satisfied. As you mentioned that there is no problem in getting the erection of the penis , ruling out erectile dysfunction completely , confirming that there is sexual excitation for the act and there has been increased flow of blood in the shaft channeled by increased endorphin and testosterone spurt. But when you intend to initiate the act , the spurt dies down and it goes limp.This is completely anxiety based and a functional debility.

There are simple ways of taking care of it. Firstly , both of you should be involved in more of foreplay and pre sexual activities which help in excitation of both the partners and they are able to relate physically well before the act . This helps in removing the initial hitch between the partners , which naturally both of them carry.So , once that anxiety is curtailed and you have explored each other physically , an innate confidence develops between both the partners and they both become receptive to each other, thereby putting an end to the anxiety.
Another reason is inadequate lubrication of the vagina due to dryness . This happens if the woman partner is not sexually excited and then the initial penetration can be difficult and painful for both and can invariably cause loss of erection. So, it is proven that sexual excitation is an important element in a sexual act before intercourse is practiced , to make it comfortable and enjoyable for both the partners.

So, in short, focus on foreplay and pre-sexual activities more before taking to the act itself. I am sure you would find your confidence and would be relieved of your concern soon.
I hope i have answered your query in detail,
wishing you safe sex and good health,
regards

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