Patient :Hello! I'm a bit bad at this stuff, so I can't see a doctor face to face (I've tried, but I ended up avoiding what I wanted to tall about most!)
To put it bluntly - I don't feel whole, or even grounded. I really hope this makes sense, because not even I can make sense of it. I can't exactly form it into words either, but - you know when you're travelling for example, and you kind of tune out until you arrive, and you ask yourself, "how did I get here?" That is most of the time for me. I just do stuff and say stuff without thinking, and when I snap back into reality I don't know what's happened. It's making me very forgetful as of late, and I wondered if it's something that is known and can be helped.
The other thing that bothers me is that I don't have a good grasp on my personality - I feel like different people. One side of me says I should go out and enjoy life, get a boyfriend, live in a house with all my friends at Uni. The other side of me says to stay quiet and work to get where I want in the world, live on my own and never get married, maybe travel a few places. I like the idea of both, but as University approaches, I can't make up my mind about accommodation. My mind just changes. And sometimes I can be on the bus and chatting to strangers, another time (such as today) feeling socially awkward - clutching my bag and reading a book, feeling like the odd one out who should be alone. I frequently talk with myself, and respond back, and even have arguments, I live with my parents and they suggest I find help, but I just can't find a way to speak face to face.
I apologise this is so long, and even now I regret everything I wrote. There is so much more to everything, SO much more, and I wish there was some way for me to communicate everything I'd like to. A side of me regrets this, and a side of me is relieved, which is in a way the problem.
Thank you for taking the time to listen (or rather, read?). I'm not looking for medicines - my mother has depression and relies on tablets, and I don't want that for myself. I simply want to know if anything can be diagnosed so I can help myself.
Thank you, again!
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