Help! Am I 5 months pregnant despite consistent negative home pregnancy tests?

Patient: Hi there… looking for some advice… about a possible pregnancy. 32 years old. haven’t been on birth control in about 9 years.- had unprotected sex February 2nd, 3rd and 4th. Haven’t had sex since. Wasn’t near a medical facility/drugstore, but did have (expired by 2 years) alesse, so I consulted the internet and took the alessse as ‘plan b’ the night of Feb 4th. I had spotting (pinkish) but VERY light and no more than a day Feb 11th (implantation bleeding?) or a result of the Alesse?.- Started doing home pregnancy tests and have done about 2 a week since, maybe 6 in total (Canadian brands: First response, ClearBlue, digital and non-digital, usually first morning mid-stream urine, all conclusively negative).Bleeding: I missed February period, bled 2-2.5 days March 12th, pretty light, browner than usual and one time after wiping ‘material’ about the size of a dime… February 20th (my periods are usually around the 20th of the month) bright red flow (but some pink, which I’d never seen before) lasting about 2.5 daysMarch 20th: more ‘normal’ about 3.5 days long, more usual colour) but still atypical. April, May, June, similar to March bleeds around the 20th.- Light cramping before all ‘periods’ (usually my cramps are worse) and slightly different pas symptoms, sorer breasts than usual.So, I have been thinking I can’t be pregnant after all these negative pregnancy tests and somewhat regular appearing like periods…. but, then, you also read that many women bleed decidually, throughout pregnancy.I did two tests yesterday, (first response and Life brand this time). I had just finished reading about the ‘hook effect’ so this time, I tried ‘diluting’ one of the samples with 2 parts urine to 1 part tap water. That was negative, too, as was the first response, which I dipped in a non diluted sample. So I’m not pregnant??…. Advice appreciated! (Can’t get to a doctor for a blood test for a few days and would like an opinion in the meantime….)Thanks so much!

Symptoms: In March and April, my breasts started getting very tender and larger. Also itchy. I have been extremely tired and emotional and having trouble sleeping at night. (But life factors could easily be the factor for that). Gassy. Heightened sense of smell. A bit nauseous sometimes (once was the morning after too much wine)… (At this point with all the negative HPTs I was convinced I wasn’t pregnant).
Just during the last week or so, though, and especially yesterday and today, my stomach is definitely swelling and looking EXTREMELY bloated. My usual weight is 125 pounds. For a couple weeks in March/April I was 130. Now I’m 124. This morning, my stomach seems bigger than yesterday. This past week, I swear I feel ‘movement and fluttering’ – but could be just gas?? Breasts still seem a bit larger than before all this still, but don’t feel as large or sore as they did in March/April. This morning lying in bed, my stomach felt distended, fluttery, and a couple inches above my belly button seems to be pulsing, I feel some pulsing and movement lower down as well. My heart rate is quite fast, but no trouble breathing or anything. I’m very anxious and stressed though… could it all just be psychological… There seems to be a ton of conflicting info on the internet about whether my symptoms are a result of pregnancy, which I guess means false negative HPTs and decidual bleeding?
… Or are they because of my hormones being out of whack for taking the ‘plan B’ (But if the Alesse was expired, maybe it didn’t work anyway?). Right after taking it, I didn’t have extreme symptoms (no nausea or anything) but I was extremely tired for quite a few days (but, I had been overworked and may have been tired anyway).

Doctor: Can completely understand how stressed out and anxious you are regarding all of this. Do not worry. I can safely reassur e you that you are not pregnant. After having had periods every month since March and all these negative pregnancy tests, it is highly unlikely that you could still be pregnant and experiencing all those symptoms. Nevertheless if you still want a documented proof for your satisfaction, do not hesitate and visit a doctor for a blood test and get yourself testedPregnancy symptoms are quite vague and sometimes our mind plays strange games with us. The initial irregular bleeding was probably a side effect of the emergency pill you took. It was certainly a bad idea to take a pill post its expiry date as you certainly put yourself through unnecessary risks. In the future I suggest you use a more reliable method of contraceptive. If the combined birth control pill regimen does not suit you, maybe having an implant or intra-uterine device inserted could work better for you. I really hope you don’t have to go through so much stress again in the future.