Hi, I am feeling very depressed due to some family

Patient

Q: Hi,
I am feeling very depressed due to some family issues with my mother in law. i know i am not at fault but i am not able to speak up for myself. She keeps on taunting me and poking in everything i do. she comments on my dress, my food habbits. I am a silent girl don't talk too much unless i really understand the other person well. and she always complains to my husband about me not talking to her it has just been over a year for our marriage and it was obvious that i would not talk to her so openly. I tried to do everything that pleased her. Whenever she visited i tried to cook on time and make her feel comfortable so that she enjoys her stay. Initially i tried to dress up as well in the way she liked but even then she would complain about even the slightest thing that is not as per her liking.
I used to call her every weekend as i am a working girl.but she always started in a taunting tone so i stopped calling her. She herself never talks to me she does call her son and talk. My husbands younger brother also stays with us. she call both of them regulary but for me she only complains to my husband that i dont want to talk to her.

She never included me in any decision related to the house and then complained to my husband that i don't show enough interest.
My husband adores her and always fights with me after hearing her complains without even listening to my views or feelings.

I have started staying alone now. I don't feel like talking to anyone even my closed ones. I don't enjoy anything. most of the times i feel like crying. I am not able to concentrate on my work even. I have been very bright at studies and work but now i take too long to complete things that are cake walk for me.

Mine is a love marriage and i had to struggle hard to get my parents agree for my marriage, my dad still does not talk to me as he used to earlier. I feel he does not love me anymore. And even my husband keeps arguing with me on his mother's complains. He has also hit me. When I am away from my husband, he starts crying for me and missing me. I stayed away from him for work for around 2.5 months and after I returned he did not argue or fight with me and is trying to show a lot of love for me.
But it is hard for me to forget what had happened. I have started feeling lonely. My husband was my best friend always before marriage i used to share everything with him but after marriage he started comparing me with his mother on everything which made me feel low. and now after these fights I am even more depressed and lonely. Even when he shows his love for me, i don't feel confident that he actually loves me.
Whenever he asks me to talk to his mother or meet her i heart sinks i feel scared. Whenever i think of his mother i find it hard to breathe. I just want to stay away fro her.

I feel i am under sever depression and my hormones are not functioning right. I feel tired all the time. i always feel scared. I am unable to sleep. I keep crying alone but i don't want anyone to stay with me. My hands and legs tremble a lot of time even when I am asleep. My heart beats very fast.

Symptoms:  I feel i am under sever depression and my hormones are not functioning right. I feel tired all the time. i always feel scared. I am unable to sleep. I keep crying alone but i don't want anyone to stay with me. My hands and legs tremble a lot of time even when I am asleep. My heart beats very fast.
Doctor

A:   Thank you for writing to us.

You are showing some of the signs of depression. I would advise that you talk to a counsellor or a marriage counsellor right away. At the moment, I do not feel that you need medication but I do think that you need therapy that will allow you to let your feelings out.

Let us break down a few of the issues that you have talked about:
You say that you had a love marriage and then your mother in law has been mistreating you
And that your husband supports her

These are scenarios that occur in many marriages. When you see a Counsellor, you can describe these things in detail and then the counsellor will decide if both of you should come in for family counselling.

I also recommend that you pick up a hobby or something that you like to do. This will allow you to distract yourself from the day to problems that you have been having. Picking up something that you liked to do when you were young is a good way to get back those memories.

Lastly and most importantly, your husband's physical abuse must be stopped. I recommend that you tell him to stop right away. Getting abused physically is absolutely intolerable and you should seek help from domestic violence groups. It is not always necessary to take legal action but it is important to get your husband to understand that physical abuse will only weaken the relationship and regardless of the frustrations in his life, abuse will not help.

I reiterate that you see a Counsellor as soon as possible. Do not fear this and also know that all counsellors are bound to protect their patients identity.

Please take care and do follow up if you have further queries. If there is anything else I can help you with, I will do my best to assist.

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