Patient :Hi, my husband has no interest in sex with me . He loves me and says im beautiful and all the right stuff. It has been getting worse and worse for around 10 years. He has a very bad recurring and constantly lingering sciatica back problem. Which is what he blames for not wanting sex. But i dont understand why any sort of sexual behaviour is a chore now. There are long periods when his back seems fine but he still doesnt want to be physical 'at all'. I have told him so many times that i, and we need some sex life in our relationship, but he never does anything. If i can get the courage to get it started sometimes, he will go with it but stop for a break, then never finish. But even when we were young he was the only man i ever had who wasnt bothered about finishing, after any sex session. So im thinking that maybe the ejaculation is actually a problem, connected to sciatica and he just wont admit it to me. Either that or hes never really had much of a sex drive and now we are in our 40s im just not doin it for him enough to get it on. Please help i cant get the truth from him and no matter how i try or how unhappy he sees i am, he wont try to keep me satisfied. I dont get it. Thanks
Thanks for the query to ATD for an opinion.
As you both as a couple are in your forties and your husband seemed oblivious to the need for sex in your relationship, the possible causes can be many actually. The sciatica which he often blames as the cause can just be a cover up. He may generally have a low sex drive or libido, which can be evaluated with his serum testosterone levels . Also, if he has been reacting in a similar disinterested manner since last 10 years where he would not finish it completely leaving you dissatisfied, it does indicate towards poor libido.
Secondly, the cause can be more of psychogenic and emotional where he may not find himself attracted to you anymore and does it more as an obligation to the nuptial knot between you both or he may find it dis-satifactory for himself with you. If he has been able to get an erection at the onset of the sexual act on those few occasions, then erectile dysfunction is ruled out and the fact that he stops in-between yet erection is maintained, then ejaculatory dysfunction can be a possibility. But this would not have decreased his libido.
It is important that you should talk to him and if required get a neuropsychiatrist opinion for him along with a basal androgenic hormonal profile which can direct towards a probable organic cause .
In the meantime, try to build up his interest in you again and try to make him reach a comfort zone with you and re-establish that sexual and mutual trust again which appears to have been lacking between you both as he tries to shy away from you on pretext of sciatica. Make him feel important and shower your passion on him, that shall get him back to you.
I hope i have been able to address some, if not all your concerns ,
Wishing you a fruitful sexual life,
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