I feel ill, but not depressed any more.


Q: I've suffered from depression, anxiety and low self-esteem since I was about 7. I've been in and out of therapy since.
I have seen my GP, she prescribed more therapy. I'm not on any meds, not even the contraceptive, so I know I am not ill from tabs.

I have about a 3-5 weeks of pure agony, where I feel unmotivated, self-loathing, suicidal, uncaring of my appearance, sleepy and emotional. I have supportive family who make me do things to get me out of bed and out of the house, but I still feel awful.

I have 2-3 maybe 4 weeks of happiness. I feel pretty positive now. I feel creative, motivated, I care about the way I look, and I can actually get out the house without wanting to cry or feel people are judging me.

But my body feels rubbish. I'll put all my sins down:
I smoke about 10 a day
I don't really exercise much
I do eat at least one chocolate bar a week
I drink coffee (but cut down to 4 cups from 8)

But I am teetotal.

My brain is happy, but my body aches. With or without depression, my abdomen, legs, back and arms feel they are bruised. I can't wear certain clothing, and just a light brush makes my skin hurt.

I feel sleepy a lot and have dropped off in public before. I find it hard to wake up. I get dizzy a lot and I do faint. I have also vomited after fainting, my nausea is not just nausea.

I do have very very pale skin, and going out in the sun is tough. But I keep hydrated and I cover up well. I also have always had pale skin, it's not a symptom. My eyes inside, and gums are a little pale, but no cause for concern.

I'm not overweight. I do eat more than I should be, but I don't put the weight on, in fact I've lost lbs recently. I am not underweight, my BMI is 20.

I do bruise very easily, and I do look boney, even though I am not that thin.

I'm not pregnant. I haven't had sex for a very long time. My depression makes me feel disgusting.

Is hypochondria the answer? Or is it my mind is telling me I'm fine, when really I'm still depressed. I don't want to go back to being depressed. If my body hurts, how am I supposed to remain happy?

Symptoms:  Tired, exhausted, dizzy, nausea, body ache, bruising, depression

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