I was super hyper this morning I was dancing randomly
Patient :I was super hyper this morning. I was dancing randomly and throwing groceries and I felt "high" and "wasted". I crawled up the stairs to my bedroom when I was done and I just felt so happy. But I also felt lazy and I felt like as if I could just plop to the ground like I couldn't carry myself. When I was upstairs my thoughts were racing fast and I felt high. Like as if I was actually on drugs (I don't take drugs). I was slightly sad but I was still pumped up. Then I was utterly calm and a little more sad. Then I was just sad. I was starting to cry and I just looked around my room in tears. I had one minute or two of thinking about being dead, but not suicide or killing myself. Like as if I was just dead but yeah I just wanted to be dead. And when I'm happy I get really rude. I have the grudge to hold it in but I'd think really rude stuff. Like when I told my brother to close my bedroom door and he didn't I thought "fucking bitch go to hell dumbass close the goddamn door." I've been having really weird feelings about reality too, like I would randomly go to thought and be like
"Wait this is how I look?" or "Wait I'm watching this show?" And when Im sad I feel like as if I was hopeless and not in need for help. Like no one could help me. I wasn't ment to be saved. I can't be saved. And I would feel soooo tired. Like when your eyes are heavy. And I would get really irritated. I also had problems remembering stuff, like I forgot some names and stuff I was going to search on Google. I do have times though when I feel calm. Like I would feel like as if the world was a calm neutral place without harm and I would feel like as if everything was okay. Not in a happy way though . Just in a boring normal okay way.
Sometimes I feel like as if I have to rely on someone to do my tasks because I'd often feel lazy or feel like as if I'll be doing something wrong. I did have a lot it problems writing books, it was a hobby of mine but I decided to just stop randomly to do other stuff. I talk quite fast in my head but a little and quite frequently in real life too, but for someone to understand. I don't have problems sleeping. Last time I slept at 5 and woke up at 11 but I still felt okay. I usually sleep for 5-6 hours but some nights it's sleeping at 4 or 5 or 2. I just feel attached to the Internet a lot so I don't sleep. I won't feel tired, sometimes I will. At the night I will dance sometimes and get happy but that's sometimes. And when I write songs (because i want to become a singer someday) the first thing that's written on paper I already feel like as if I'm about to tear up in anger and have a headache because it's stressing and I'm already judging it negatively There was a period when I kept on writing more songs and songs and adding lyric ideas. I took away most of them today. I have a high metabolism, but I rarely eat. Like today I had only 2 meals, breakfast and dinner, and 3 snacks. I have self harmed before. It was a two weeks ago. I was watching a show about this girl cutting and I just wanted to do it.... Just to see myself bleed I guess I had no reason. But then I felt like as if I did so I scratched myself. But then I immediacy regretted it and started to cry. I got depressed for a few days then.
Symptoms: Mood swings, loss appetite, high feeling, poor judgement, irritation, fatigue
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