I’m currently having difficulties being intimate with my wif

Ask The Doctor > Questions & Answers > I’m currently having difficulties being intimate with my wif

Patient: I’m currently having difficulties being intimate with my wife. A few years ago I underwent some physical tests to see what issues I might dealing with (conduct by my doctor). It turned out at the time that I did not have any medical issues. However I’m still having issues dealing with anxiety issues when I try to get intimate with my wife. Sometimes I get doubt that I cant have sex with my wife and most of the times it dosen’t happen. However I am attracted to my wife, so once I am able to find the “passion” in the moment we usually end up having sex (getting past that anxiety barrier). The problem is that I have never ejaculated with a female before. I think it might have to do with the many years of masterbation. I don’t do it as much as I am trying to be more intimate with my wife (hopefully trying to start a family within a year from now). However I still feel the need to masterbate as it as like I said before I have never ejaculated before. This is an ongoing problem and I don’t know what type of doctor, specialist I need to see. Whether it is a therapist, physiologist or another type of specialist? My biggest concern is that as time is moving forward I am enjoying the desire to master-bate more , instead of having sex with my wife. I think it has to do with the fact that we have had sex many times before and no ejaculation. So my mind is telling me that its better to master-bate to get the same results (which is also somewhat conflicting as I am thinking about other females, from my past “failed sexual experiences — (but telling myself a different story)”, or from females in porn movies). I know my situation sounds weird, but any help in direction would be greatly appreciated. I just want to know which type of specialist I need to find, so that I can find someone local, and then ask my primary doctor for a referral. Thank you



Doctor: Hello,Thanks for writing to us and giving an elucidate history.I have read your query and can understand your situa tion.Sexual intercourse is a mutual process where both partners have to participate to result in climax.The symptoms that you have mentioned indicates you are suffering from delayed ejaculation.This is a condition where the ejaculation doesn’t happen during intercourse.This may happen due to psychological issues or birth defects. Since you mentioned your medical examination was clear and you can successfully masturbate it most probably indicates anxiety issues.It is advisable for you to visit psychiatrist/ psychologist who would start you with medication and psychotherapy to treat your condition.Medication involve Antianxiety drugs like Buspirone.Psychotherapy is more useful in such cases.Few steps are described below:1) Master and Johnson technique- start and stop technique which means you and your wife engage in sexual pleasure and on height of pleasure you don’t ejaculate or your wife stops foreplay. Doing this repeatedly may help2) you start with masturbating and then start intercourse when you are ready to ejaculate. This process has to be started earlier and earlier with each trial .Hope I could solve your queryFeel free to write backTake care


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Dr. Jimmy Obaji M.D.

Dr. Jimmy Obaji completed his residency in Family Medicine at the University of Manitoba. He currently operates a walk-in-clinic in downtown Toronto.

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