It’s random and I feel stupid but I’m sick of

Patient: It’s random and I feel stupid but I’m sick of feeling low about myself, I was bullied for five years in high school and I always still feel like I’m being judged, I’m scared of men too because I witnessed my my mum in two violent relationships she was beaten physically, every time a male teacher shouted at me I cried and I feel stupid because I wasn’t beaten up mysel I can’t even have a relationship myself too worried about what ppl think or what would happen or weather I’d ruin it because I’m negative at times I’m giddy but that just annoys ppl I have low self esteem I don’t want pity I just want to know what I can do j don’t want to speak to people face to face because I don’t want anyone knowing who I am I’ve been suicidal before but that hasn’t happened recently and I’m not going to be like that again I just think I should tell you , any suggestions of what I could do please ?