My depression related irritability make me feel guilty. How can I stop it?
Patient : I am a 23 year old girl who suffers from depression, OCD and anxiety. I have a tendency to call people an ass when they do or say something that I don't agree with. I do this in my head not out loud. I tried stopping it but I think this is an automatic thought. It happens out of habit without me really thinking about it. I think that I should have more compassion and understanding towards people because I am a medical student and going to be a doctor one day but my irritabilty is triggered by the littlest thing. How do I overcome it? I think it is part of my OCD as I do this quite a lot of times per day. Also I noticed that everyday I have certain obsessive thoughts like 'I want to kill myself" whenever I think of something that I don't want to do. Sometimes it is even when I don't feel like studying. But I have no intention to commit suicide. Or I remember lyrics to music and sing in my head until I drive myself crazy from remembering the same line over and over again. These thinks disgust me, I have no idea why I do them than other than out of habit and obsession and I want to change so bad but these thoughts happen on an automatic level. When I catch myself thinking these things I either call myself an ass or tell myself I shouldn't do this. This happens so many times a day I would be unable to count it. I also don't talk much as I am introverted and have a preoccupation with these obsessions and other thoughts like worrying what I say will make me look stupid. I have a fear of even reading in class because I am afraid I will sound stupid in the way that I read or what I say and I will not sound as good as the other students. I am afraid to answer questions in class also. I am very anxious around other people because I think they are judging me. Also I tend to look at individuals as either very bright or very stupid with nothing in between. I also compare myself with all other girls on level of prettiness and intelligence. I am seeing a psychiatrist for my depression issues. I used to see a psychologist but gave up because my mum could not afford it. Please advise me how I can overcome these problems...
These Q&A’s are for educational purposes and should not be relied upon as a substitute for medical advice you may receive from your physician. If you have a medical emergency, please call 911. These answers do not constitute or initiate a patient/doctor relationship.