Why can't I get him hard? Why can he only do it?

Patient : My husband can only get an erection if he touches himself. No matter what I do it usually doesn't respond to me only him. He has excuses not to go to Dr. He says he just needs to eat better, and work out consistently. He has only slept with one other woman besides me and that was 17 years ago and it only happened once and he said he had to do the same thing. He thinks it's medical but won't go to Dr. I think it's mental because he can do it to himself and he gets errection in his sleep. I am so confused and wonder if he has a porn addiction or struggles with his sexuality. He is 40 and never really dated and had only been with one other and said it was to much work. Is this common, because I have been with others and no one has ever had to give themselves a hand job in front of me.
Symptoms:  Impotent, says he has no feeling down there and has difficulty urinating it takes a while to come out and after he goes feels like he has to go again.
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