Worried about what would happen if me and my boyfriend had sex.

Patient

Q: I am 18 and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and we are really happy. Lately we have been wanting to have sex. It would be both of our first times. But I am really worried about the whole naked part, because, I know this sounds really weird, but I hate my genitals. In fact, I hate genitals full stop. Men and women's, I just can't stand it. It's not that I feel uncomfortable looking at them or anything, I just really hate the look of them and find them extremely unattractive. I avoid looking in the mirror straight after a shower so I don't have to see mine. I know it sounds weird and it sounds like I'm a freak, but I just can't help being disgusted by them. I don't want to tell my boyfriend in case I offered him. I do want to have sex with him, just I don't want to see mine or his genitals. What should I do!?

Symptoms:  Can't stand genitals (please don't laugh)
Doctor

A:   Your anxiety related to your situation is understandable. Being with the boy friend last 3 years and now planning sex for the first time looks a bit unusual, but it is not rare. What is very common you have mentioned in your letter is your disgust to look at genitals, uncomfortable with nakedness and same with the body of boy friend. Does he carry any anxiety at nakedness, feels dirty about genitals and problem with initiation of sex?. Do you both, particularly yourself, have any of the traits which go with undue orderliness, cleanliness, repetitive behaviors, prolonged bath etc. Some one with the above features feeling unduly guilty related to once body, genital touch and experience of sex.

To enjoy sex it is absolutely necessary for one to love one’s own body and the whole range of sensations one experiences. For mutually satisfying sex both should be comfortable and happy with each other and each others bodies. Self confidence is extremely important. You definitely need to meet the psychologist / counselor / relationship therapist / sex therapist to have the problem fixed. Psychiatrist can help you to rule out OCD. Please don’t hesitate and remain inhibited. Discuss with your partner and enlist his cooperation.

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